smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
