What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
