But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
