i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
