Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
