OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
