So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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