You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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