So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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