I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
