oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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