why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
