Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
