Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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