i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
