hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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