I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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