I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
