I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
