i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
