I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
