i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
