I CAN MOONWALK!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
