the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
