Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
