Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
