Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
