U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
