I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
