Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
