last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
