I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
