I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
