At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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