On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
