i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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