Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
