and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
