Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Blood and glitter go together right?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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