saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
