I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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