This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
