That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
