thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
