"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Semen is not good for contacts.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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