Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
