every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
