So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
