NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
