a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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